Response to Dr. Jen Gunter Regarding "My Vagina Is Terrific. Your Opinion About It Is Not."

by David Balashinsky

Last fall, Dr. Jen Gunter published this powerful and, I would argue, long-overdue essay in the New York Times.  It is no secret that women have been subjected to body-shaming and genital-shaming for a long time and it is no secret that women's insecurities about their bodies and vulvas have also been exploited for financial gain for a long time.  Dr. Gunter was properly fed up and so decided that the time had come to speak up.  I am glad she did, not only because I agree with most of what she has written here but also because I fervently believe that the culture of contempt for female bodies and genitalia needs to be combated and combated vociferously and publicly.  There are probably few as well qualified to do so as Dr. Gunter.

But I see another value in Dr. Gunter's essay in that it can serve as a conversation-starter on the obverse question: What about women's attitudes toward men's genitals?  That question is, not unreasonably, entirely omitted from Gunter's essay but this, I fear, can leave the reader with the erroneous impression that the intricately related phenomena of ignorance about the genitalia of the opposite sex, revulsion for the genitalia of the opposite sex and genital-shaming that Gunter criticizes is entirely unilateral: that men have disdain for women's genitalia but the feeling is not mutual.  (Or that, if it is, at least women are discreet enough to keep their opinions to themselves.)  This seems to be the central premise of Gunter's essay.  As she writes,

I have listened to women with completely normal exams weep that they have been told that they do not smell or taste correctly.  That they are too wet, or too loose, or too gross.

These women all shared something: They were told these things by men.  While I admit this is anecdotal data, my years of listening to secret shame about healthy vaginas and vulvas seems to suggest it is largely, if not entirely, male partners who exploit vaginal and vulvar insecurities as a weapon of emotional abuse and control.

Gunter is arguing here, as she does throughout her essay, not only that men are wont to criticize and "mansplain" women's genitalia but that this unfortunate tendency is a one-way street: that men feel entitled to opine and do opine about women's genitalia whereas women feel no such entitlement and seldom take such liberties.  Moreover, that women suffer some pretty horrendous consequences as a result of the genital-shaming to which they are subjected by men, whereas men do not suffer the same (let alone worse) consequences as a result of the genital-shaming to which they are subjected by women.  Gunter's twin hypotheses, then, are that a distaste for the genitalia of the opposite sex is entirely one-sided as is the sense of entitlement that men have to express that distaste.  I dispute both of these hypotheses.

While I do not dispute Dr. Gunter's criticism of men who express revulsion or contempt for the natural female vulva (their loss, I say), nor of her criticism of the expression of their opinions, uninvited, on the topic of women's genitalia, I do dispute the notion that ignorance, fear and loathing of the genitalia of the opposite sex are uniquely male attributes.  While Gunter is certainly justified in criticizing men in her essay, she treats it as a foregone conclusion that women themselves are never guilty of exactly the same sort of genital-shaming of men.

Yet as anyone active on social media nowadays can attest, whenever the subject of penises comes up, and particularly in the context of the movement to end male genital mutilation (or "circumcision"), there is never any dearth of women offering innumerable comments on the topic of the male prepuce with just as much ignorance about and contempt for that natural and functional part of male anatomy as Gunter rightfully complains men demonstrate with respect to the female vulva. Women routinely make comments to the effect that the male prepuce is disgusting, that it smells bad, that it's ugly, that it's weird, that it just doesn't belong there and that, because men are such pigs by nature and incapable of performing even the most rudimentary sort of personal hygiene, their prepuces ought to be surgically removed at birth.

For example, responding to a posted story on Facebook about the decreased incidence of non-therapeutic infant circumcision, one woman had this to say:

A sad piece of news for women who are afraid of, or grossed out by, uncircumcised penises.  Also a sad piece of news for uncircumcised American boys who hope to have any kind of sex life with American women. 

All health  concerns aside, I just can't sleep with an uncircumcised man.  It's like an alien penis to me.  And I know I'm not alone in my fear and revulsion.

Here are some other random examples - all comments made by women:

Well we all know who the uncircumcised people are on this post!  Nobody wants a pig in the blanket peepee that's prone to getting infections!

They're are ugly.

I was called nasty as fuck because I equated an uncircumcised penis to an elephant trunk!

Prob cuz hes gonna be sending dick pics in 15 years and aint no one wanna see a pic of an uncircumcised pic

Give it up, turtleneck.

If your bf won't circumcise himself for you he don't love you

That had to be a butcher not a Dr circumcision is the best for a male it is cleaner

OMG they are now on the corner near the mall protesting circumcision   I can only imagine what fighting for the extra skin is all about! smdh

Men have a hard enough time changing there underwear non the left cleaning under foreskin.  Saves you an extra step in the shower with it gone.  Why are they complaining?

really of all the things I the world to stand for your foreskin?  Let the babies be aborted the flag stomped on and the innocent shot but omg don't let them take my foreskin for the love of God save my dick skin

But it's sooooooo ugly!  I say continue to remove it!  Who wants to be with an ant eater!  Lol

OMG GET A LIFE ITS NOT HEALTHY!!!!!!! and it looks gross

(By the way, consider this a general sic for all of the above.)
  
I think it worth pointing out here that these women are not just shaming individual men's penises "as a weapon of abuse or control" but are doing so specifically in support of a non-consensual and irreversible surgical modification of infants' genitals as a matter of general practice. 

Criticizing a woman's genitalia is, as far as I'm concerned, boorish, ungallant and unmanly.  And criticizing a woman's genitalia specifically "as a weapon of abuse or control" is abusive.  Such behavior is contemptible and I am ashamed of any man (or woman, for that matter) who would stoop so low.

Yet I wonder how Gunter would feel if men in our society argued for female genital mutilation in accordance with their own peculiar tastes in vulvas as often as women in our society argue - openly and without a trace of compunction - for male genital mutilation in accordance with their own peculiar tastes in penises.  I wonder how Gunter would feel if the vile comments directed at her and her vulva did not stop at mere criticism but actually endorsed her or her daughters' or her sisters' or her patients' actually being subjected against their will to genital cutting.

How often are intact men subjected to genital shaming in our society - in movies, on television, in stand-up comedy, and now on social media?  And how often are male victims of forced genital cutting told by women - whose genital integrity is protected by federal and state statutes - that the prepuce is "just extra skin," that "your parents did you a favor by having it cut off," that "it has no sensation, anyway" and to "stop whining"?  Could a man (or woman, for that matter) publish a column in a nationally recognized media platform suggesting that those who oppose female circumcision do so largely because they have psychological problems?   Could a man publish a piece in the New York Post (the same publication that Gunter criticized for its erroneous headline about her) belittling women who object to having been subjected to forced genital cutting and suggesting that they "find new hobbies," rather than spending their time protesting in order to bring about an end to this quintessential human rights violation?  I don't think so.  Insofar as ignorance, unbidden and derogatory comments about genitalia are concerned, everything that Gunter criticizes men for saying about women's vulvas are things that women themselves say about men's prepuces.  It's no worse when men do it and it's no better when women do it.  Both are wrong. 

The sense of outrage with which Dr. Gunter receives unsolicited and derogatory comments by men about her or other women's vulvas is perfectly understandable.  I share that outrage.  My question for Dr. Gunter is, Do you share mine?  If these men were openly justifying non-consensual labiaplasty or other forms of female genital surgery as a prophylaxis against the accumulation of smegma and its associated odors within the skin-folds of the vulva, I can only imagine that Gunter's outrage would be commensurately greater.  Yet having to listen to advocacy on behalf of precisely this sort of genital surgery and for precisely this reason (as well as numerous other equally specious reasons) is what men in our society are subjected to routinely.  Worse, as infants, they are subjected, routinely, to the surgery itself.

Gunter writes, "The era in which men can shame women for their perfectly healthy vaginas is now coming to an end."  One can only hope so.  I, for one, would equally welcome an end to the era in which women can shame men for their perfectly healthy intact penises.

 

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David Balashinsky is originally from New York City and now lives near the Finger Lakes region of New York. He is a licensed physical therapist and writes about bodily autonomy and human rights, gender, culture, and politics.